Carl Hayman, All Black #1000, once the most highly prized player in world rugby and a giant of the game in every sense—someone who was always respected, even feared. But at the end of seventeen years as a professional rugby player, the last eight played with the sole aim of setting up his family's future, Hayman's life began to unravel in nightmarish fashion. This book is about the pressures on the modern athlete, where physical performance and commerce collide, and players become victims of their own success. Exploited then left out in the cold, Hayman is now left counting the hidden cost of the achievements that would have exceeded any young rugby player's dreams. He now fears both the known and the unknown with equal trepidation as he looks for answers to dementia and a degenerative brain condition called CTE.